Dear Nearly: Part 8 "Kaput"

there's nothing that makes me feel so silly as almost sneezing in public. this is more or less a result of the unpredictable awkwardness, which comes with it. i always get the sense that i'm out of place; similar to the residual sensation that remains from having experienced deja vu. none of my friends know the proper sneezleless etiquette. neither do i. something essential should be said. though i've attmepted to think of creative German phrases (despite my understanding of German being paltry) that could compare to "God bless you" (not actually being a blessing per se), yet still assuaging that awkward moment after a faux-sneeze. considering the need for a colloquial onomatopoeia, yet convieniently consise, i decided upon "kaput". this seems harmless and silly enough to alleviate the suspended sneeze that congests a room of people recently agitated. a suspended sneeze is too much like a politic to remain unaccompanied by the condolences of surrounding individuals. society is too civil to further withold this practice of using "kaput" in such a manner. of course "kaput" isn't in honor of you, Nearly, but in spite of you; not to reinforce your thievery, but to excuse your tactlessness; not to condone your immaturity, but to relieve your complexion. i'm sorry about the judgmental nature of my letter, but you just might learn something about youself as a result of this. Nearly, it could be said "'kaput' is your nemesis"--a makeshift resolution to a cultural practice that's long-overdue...(photo by: Tatsuya Sato)